...and then there was silence.

 To quote Pumba from The Lion King "Oh, the shame, thought of changing my name..." (from the song Hakina Matata). I felt embarrassed and ashamed to blog.  To bring you up to speed, I went to the gym and enjoyed it...for a while. A "one time" break became a regular part of the routine.  I simply felt like I had too many things to do, too many places to go, and too much good food to eat.
I learned that the Lap-Band, at least at this stage is not NEAR a magical fix for loosing weight.  With 5cc's of fluid in my band, it restricts me some, but not all.  I could and would eat way more than I should and know when (or want to) quit.
I need to get another fill and should have probably a few weeks ago to make the band tighter and work better, however the insurance doesn't cover fills within the first 90 days of surgery.  Paying out of pocket would be just too much, so I decided to wait until the 90 days are up to get the next one.
During the wait, I started eating food faster and more frequently and foods that are bad for you became steady in my diet.  This of course caused weight gain. Not a lot, thankfully, but some.
So, here I am fresh off the weight loss surgery eating foods that I love and gaining wait. Ashamed that I have fallen off the wagon again, I retreat. I could not walk back into Dr. Collier's office GAINING weight. Something had to change.
I started another round of HCG.  This diet really is incredible. Quick and fast weight loss is what it is known for.  It takes a lot of discipline, hard work and lots of resistance to all the yummy foods I have been eating and now craving, but IT WORKS.  Seeing the weight drop off has renewed my goal and vision for making this happen.  My mind set has been reenergized and I know that I can do this.
I am proud to announce that I have now officially lost 100 lbs!  I will continue to keep going.  I would love to loose another 145.  I will be receiving my fill within the next new weeks.  Until then I will be on HCG until the fill  The timing could not be any more perfect.  I will make every effort to keep blogging and posting.
Don't forget to follow me on The Dr. Dave and Biggun show every week for updates as well. Check it out at
http://www.drdaveandbiggun.com/
Keep it Rollin!

Today is the day!

I am SO excited. I am hitting the gym for the first time today.  Working on some cardio and weights! Who knew I could be so excited about this?  Not me!  I am also meeting with a nutritionist to maximize the lap band and learn how to eat again.  With this help and support, my goal weight is a long journey, but totally doable!  Wish me luck! 
P.S. lost a pound from yesterday to today! 

Now the real work begins...

The swelling went down, the stomach went back to normal and the weight was coming back on.  There are several reasons for that.  1) not excercising enough, 2) bad food choices and 3) no fill in my band.  Dr. Collier said to wait 4 weeks after the surgery to have your first fill.  If you are unaware of this process, basically, there is a band around the top of your stomach. Inside the band is a pouch that holds fluid.  The pouch is attached to a port close to your stomach that can be filled rather easily. The more fluid you have, the tighter the band.  The tighter the band, the less food can pass through and the fuller you feel with less food.  Since there was no fluid, it was not tight and food was going right through and it is hard to feel full. 
Tuesday, I had the fill.  I am on liquids for 48 hours, then soft food for another 48 hours and then regular food after that.  Should be good by the weekend.
Since I am back on liquids I lost two pounds.  If your keeping track at home. I gained about 11 lbs back after the 20 I lost earlier.  I am now 9 lbs away from 100, so from my lowest to now, I am about 6 lbs gained since the surgery. 
There is something about when you loose a certain amount of weight and then gain it back. It is very difficult mentally.  Per the Dr. earlier, gaining weight back is normal and shouldn't worry, but it is still difficult. However, I really feel like NOW I have leveled out and things are on its way back down. 
I even joined a GYM.  Jess and I are part of Fitness Connection off Rayford/Sawdust.  I think it will be a great experience. We are excited and ready to work out.  Thursday will probably be my first day. Well, my lunch break is about over and I should get back to work.  Just wanted to keep you all posted on what's going on.  I hope you find this helpful.

Even Steven

No, I am not referring to Shia Labeouf's breakout performance back many years ago. I am referring to, of course, the weight loss. SO... I had a pretty intense weekend.  Pretty intense = ate some foods not on the approved list.  However, I feel really good about it because the weight is now holding steady.  I didn't loose, but I didn't gain. 
I am learning to be OK with this. I am learning that this is going to be a slow process.  It is ok if it takes a year or two years...or even 5 years to get down to my goal weight.  It will come off eventually.
I am learning who I am.  For years, I hated myself.  I felt as if nothing about me had value.  It was all wrapped up in how much I weighed. The more I weighed, the worse I felt about me.  Conversely, for a while, the less I weighed the better I felt about me and my self esteem was now on that foundation. Still the same addiction, just in reverse. 
I am learning to like me regardless of how much I weigh.  This is a new journey for me.  Something that will take time and take work.  But I am learning to be OK with who I am and even learn to love myself. 
The weight will come off. I am understanding THAT will be the easy part.  The self esteem, the mental work will be the hardest.  Im up for the work!

Down...but not out

Have you ever been really happy? I mean really, really happy?  Like all things are perfect, life is good and you have an amazing new outlook on living?  Those moments, at least for me, have been few and far between.  Don't get me wrong.  Some things in life are good all the time.  Either things are good in our marriage, or financially, spiritually and even physically, but few times do things seem to be good in ALL areas of life all at the same time.  Well, I was there...a few days ago. 
Things were going really well and the weight was coming off. A new perspective of myself is starting to form and I am not just the "fat guy" any more.  I am discovering that there is more to me than just weight.  That in itself helps to open up the other aspects of life.  In fact, last Saturday my wife and I laid in bed thinking of the things "skinny people" do, and realizing that I might be able to do that soon. 
Also, I had a good meeting with a pastor at a church I go to that helped put things in perspective and things are going pretty well for us in those other areas mentioned earlier.
And then Tuesday....
Tuesday, I jumped on the scale with expectations to meet my 100 lbs goal.  That didn't happen, in fact, gained a pound.. uh oh
Wednesday, I jumped on the scale with expectations to go down some.  That didn't happen, in fact I gained a pound.  Uh oh
Thursday, I jumped on the scale with expectations to go down some. That didn't happen, in fact I gained TWO pounds.  Enough is enough.  I called the doctor.
The nurse then told me this is pretty normal. And I am gaining back some of the water weight.  Also, I started freaking out and eating hardly anything.  This put my body in a "starvation" period and kept the fat on.  Whew, crisis diverted.
So, what did I learn?
My happiness and "how good life was" as depending on how much weight I have lost.  I SWORE I would never be a calorie counter, but for 3 days I was and that took me to a very dark place.  Not that counting calories is wrong, but being obessed with something that intensely and being let down when it didn't happen was.  I learned that my happiness can't depend on what the scales say.  It can't be determined by how loose my pants are.  It is determined by what I do with the things that happen in my life. It is determined by what I let myself do.  At least this is what I say when...
Friday, I jump on the sales with expectations to go up some.  That didn't happen, in fact I lost .02 lbs.  Oh boy.
Life is good.

First and Twenty

So, this week has posed some major victories and a small scare. At the beginning of the week, I actually GAINED a pound. I don't know how this was possible, but the day before there was no weight loss and then an actual pound was gained. This obviously threw me off what I had expected to see.
Before the focus on the weight loss, standing on the scale was terrifying. Having no idea what to expect, the numbers popping up only lead to a sense of defeat and sadness, it was a sense of being out of control. Then, it has been more manageable and at least knowing what to expect, gains or losses depending on what I had done before. Now, it has become easier and actually quite fun to get on it and expect to see the numbers going down. That is, until Wednesday. I was terrified. "Why did I have weight loss surgery only to gain?", "What if this isn't going to work?", and "What did I do wrong?" all crossed my mind.

This amazing partner that I call my wife said to give it a few days and see how it goes from here. If it continues, then we will call Dr. Collier. I agreed, reluctantly.

Thursday there was a bit of loss, like .5 lbs. I wanted to see more. That came on Friday and Saturday.

Today (Saturday) I come to you after the surgery with my first 20 lbs down! Jessica says that I haven't been this thin (I use that word loosely) for over 6 years! It is quite amazing.
As for the food portion...I have graduated to more solid food. I had two, count them two chicken ravioli's with some tomato sauce on them and some mashed potatoes. Doing very well I might add. I am checking calories and weight loss on a great website called FitDay.com. It is free, but beware of the Google Ads.

I will return to work on Monday. I will still keep you posted as we journey through this together.

Keep it rollin'

me at my heaviest

On the left, this is me at the Renassiance Festival,  probably at my heaviest. I guess we can say goodbye to those giant turkey legs...at the festival not on me.                                  

On the right, this is me a few days ago. Keep in mind this is a shirt size smaller, 4" from my waist and a wife that didn't inform me to tuck in my shirt before taking a picture. 

Can you guys tell a difference?